I get this question a lot, being a Sexual Bliss Coach: How do I have bigger, better, longer, more intense, full body, insert graphic description here orgasms?! And I get it. Orgasms are one of the most pleasurable things your body does and when you hear about what's possible you might think to yourself: am I doing it right, is there more I can get? And the answer is probably... YES! In my experience, and listening to many other Tantra and Neo Tantra practitioners, there is really no end zone for pleasure. Meaning that you can keep discovering new levels of pleasure your whole life! And even if you're having amazing orgasms (woot!) there's likely even more pleasure available. So, let's dive in to the 3 steps to finding more mind-blowing, full body orgasms, or, as I like to call it, Total Sexual Bliss.
First, let me define orgasm. I've found that most people have a very limited view of what orgasm is which limits their experience of more pleasure because they're only searching for one very specific outcome. To me, orgasm is a complete surrender to pleasure or bliss. It can include spasms of the genital muscles or not. It can include ejaculation or squirting, or not. The main thing is that there's a build up of pleasure and a surrender to it fully. And pleasure can come in many different forms.
Sexual pleasure is when you are pleasuring your sexual organs, including nipples. Sensual pleasure is when you're pleasuring your senses, like delicious smells, delectable tasting treats, viewing erotic imagery, hearing pleasurable sounds, and of course dancing with delightful touch all over your skin. Energetic pleasure is when you're using your own energy to feel pleasure, and this may or may not include touch, but is more focused on energy. Kinky pleasure is when you are getting pleasure from non-traditional sources like Dom/sub, ropes, impact, service, choking, degradation, princess play, pet play, hair pulling, etc. And you can also shapeshift and include many of these types all together! Check out Jaiya's Erotic Blueprints to help you identify which one most excites you and your partners Here
I've found that learning which types of pleasure my body is pre-programmed to enjoy has led me to a deeper relationship to it, less shame and more ecstatic orgasms! Also, know that the blueprints aren't set in stone. These are learned and they can be transformed!
When you expand your definition of what orgasm can be, you expand your ability to have all kinds of orgasms! If an orgasm is just a full surrender to pleasure, then I can have a gigglegasm, an angergasm, a joygasm, an energygasm, etc, etc, etc! But, if you're waiting for one single experience to happen, like a spasm in the genitals, then you're going to keep chasing and limit your potential for mind-blowing experiences! So, what are my 3 steps to Total Sexual Bliss and mind-blowing orgasms?
Pleasure. Like I've said pleasure can come in many different forms. Explore them all and figure out which ones turn you on the most! Try to break free of any patterns you usually go to in pleasure. If you always watch porn, always use vibrators, or have one go-to move that always gets you there, then I challenge you to explore more of what's possible. You won't get to the next level using this level's tools. This is of course not to say that porn, vibrators, or that one move is bad, just that I'm challenging you to break out of whatever ingrained patterns are keeping you at your current level.
Expansion. After you explore pleasure and work yourself up to about an 8/10 on the pleasure scale (if 10 is orgasm), then I want you to start expanding that pleasure to your whole body if you haven't already. Keep working with pleasure as you do this, and using your thoughts expand it. The principle here is that where your attention goes your energy flows. So, place your attention anywhere but where you've been building the pleasure. If you're working with sexual pleasure, then focus on your heart and continue to pleasure. Try to focus ALL your attention at the heart and notice what happens to the pleasure. Likely, it will start to dissipate in the sex center and start to intensify in the heart. You can even start to do energy circles, starting in the root and tracing your attention up your back body to your crown then back down your front body to the root again. Notice what happens as you do this and don't rush to orgasm. Slow down if you need to cool off. The more time you spend in this practice the more pleasure will build.
Surrender. Eventually, you'll feel the pleasure building to almost a 10. DON'T RUSH. Slow down and instead of sprinting to the finish line, walk to it. Feel every inch of pleasure moving through your body and enjoy it. Don't contract the pelvic or abdominal or glute muscles to force the sensation. Relax the muscles and surrender to everything happening. This may include an altered state of mind. This may include involuntary shakes and sounds. This may include genital spasms. This may be totally still and silent. Don't force whatever it is and just surrender when it arrives! And if the 10 never arrives then just enjoy whatever is happening! There is no shame in this practice! Just pleasure! Worst case scenario, you just spent some delicious time moving pleasure around your body. I believe this is healing on its own.
Pleasure. Expansion. Surrender. This is the recipe to find more pleasure, more bliss, more joy and connection to your body and to your partner/s. Use these principles when you're pleasuring others. Use them when you're cooking or cleaning! Use them when you're walking in nature. Using all kinds of different types of pleasure, then moving and expanding it, then surrendering to it! You could have an orgasmic hike, an orgasmic workday, an orgasmic meal! The possibilities are endless and so blissful!
INSPIRED ACTION: Know that this is a practice, so doing it once may not give you the full experience, however, doing it several times can help you create a new patterned experience in your body and take you to the next level of pleasure! So, try committing to this practice for at least 50% of your pleasure journeys in the next 21 days. This means you can go back to your regular pleasure half the time if you want, and go to this expanded pleasure practice the other half. This will gently allow you to welcome in a new experience and let you learn in a safer and supported shame-free environment! Let me know how it goes!
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