One thing almost all my clients share is their ability to truly intellectualize their feelings. Their bodies have learned that it's not safe to feel the feelings. So, they think about the feelings instead. "Yes, he dumped me through text, but I'm alright with it, there's always more fish in the sea" or "there's really no point in getting all upset about it" or "I've actually been crying for days, I don't think I need more feeling". All of these are ways that you avoid feeling the feelings. Through distraction, indifference, or looping you will avoid the critical role of feeling. But through feeling these emotions, you can unlock the bliss that is waiting just beyond them!
We have become masters, maybe even doctors, of intellectualizing our lives. Somewhere in your childhood you likely learned that it was easier to think about the feeling than to actually feel it. This probably looks like overthinking in you now. And it can lead to anxiety, depression, disconnection from your body and energy, lost sleep, body pains, and more! I think that overthinking is one of the great issues of our generation, and it's only getting worse!
Through artificial lives we are also socially learning to disconnect. Texting, Instagram, Facebook, and video chat has us disconnecting from the body on so many levels. We are no longer just learning to disconnect from the body to survive, but as a way to fit in with society. There's something so rich about hearing the words come out of your lover's mouth. Seeing and hearing them say "I love you" is a visceral, full-body experience. But seeing the text? It's more of an intellectual exercise. Like, oh, he loves me. And there will be more ways society transforms that will keep getting us further from the body and closer to the mind. Technology is not built to foster a connection to the body. And how could it?!
And looping isn't helping you either, even if you're still crying. Crying is one of the most amazing ways to feel your feelings, but if you feel like you keep getting more and more upset after you cry then you're probably looping. This is when you think your way through the crying. "I hate myself! I'm the worst. No one will ever want to be with a toxic person like me. I'm useless. I don't even want to be with me!" Sure, you may cry at each of these statements, but the next thought gets you to cry about the next and the next. You're not taking time to truly feel the sadness of the situation, and you're allowing the thoughts to run the show.
And you know what's just beyond you feeling your feelings? All the bliss that's always been available to you! You see, blocking our body connection takes brain power! So, your brain is working extra hard to keep you in the mind. But bliss lives in the body, just like your emotions do! So, you're also inadvertently blocking your own bliss. This is completely reversable once you start connecting to your body again! All humans have a natural state of bliss. Unlock yours through getting skilled at feeling the sensations in your body!
Here's a practice for truly feeling!
The next time you're overthinking and intellectualizing your feelings I want you to recognize it and name it. The intellectual aspect is the story that you're telling yourself about what happened. When you find yourself in the story and not in the sensations I want you to say out loud "this is the story". When you say it out loud it has a chance to break the pattern of the overthinking. If that doesn't work then try yelling (if you can safely) "STOP!". This works the same to try and interrupt the pattern.
Then I want you to try and focus on the sensations in the body. Your emotions speak to you through sensations. The way to feel them in the moment is to actually feel them. Let's say your partner just broke up with you. There are probably a million stories your mind is telling you. But the sadness just wants to be sad for a bit. So, say "this is the story" then focus your attention on your sensations
You may feel like your chest is ripping apart, or your stomach is turning. Whatever the feelings just focus on them. Allow yourself to cry if that's what naturally comes up. Allow yourself to scream if that's what comes up. Allow the sensations to curl you up in a ball on the floor if they want to. Try to surrender to the sensations as much as possible.
The mind will almost certainly try to intervene again. Don't shame it. It's just running the program you taught it all those years ago. But interrupt it. "This is the story" or "STOP" will do again. Then immediately return your attention to the sensations again.
Once the sensations are truly felt you should feel a relief of some kind. Sometimes I'll cry for a few minutes and then suddenly stop. Sometimes I'll cry for an hour then stop. Allow it to come to an end when the sensations feel lighter. And at this point really resist the urge to loop into the stories again.
Every situation will take a different amount of time to fully feel. A lost opportunity for business development could take one or two surrenders to the feelings to complete. A lost marriage of 10 years may take a month and a half of surrendering every day. Don't give up and start to intellectualize if it comes back. "I should be over this by now" is just as destructive because it invalidates your honest feelings.
Let yourself feel as long the emotion demands, not as long as you feel you should. There is no scientific calculation you can do to determine the completion. Surrender and feel and try to interrupt the pattern of overthinking as much as you can, and I promise that eventually the emotion will have been felt enough.
If you're desiring to be lead in practices like this, or if you feel like no matter what you say you can't interrupt the pattern, then maybe it's time to look into my coaching programs! I've designed a program that helps you feel your feelings, connect to your body, and stop intellectualizing your whole life so you can find your bliss! Check it out at www.lonateachesbliss.com/coaching and sign up for a Bliss Blueprint Discovery Call today for a complimentary call with me to see if we are aligned to work together in this container!
INSPIRED ACTION: Try this practice with an easier emotion. You can even use this practice with happiness, or joy, or excitement! The more you practice when the emotion isn't devastating, the easier it will be to put into practice when the emotion is tough! And share this practice with your other friends who need help feeling their feelings, too!
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