I feel like there is a lot of emphasis on the pussy in sexuality conversations these days, and I love that for us. There has been such a focus on male sexual gratification all our lives and we are finally talking about how long it takes the pussy to open and receive, and many techniques for female pleasure. However, sometimes I feel we swing too far the other direction. So, here's a gentle reminder that cocks need some loving, too! The presence of a cock in your sexual encounters does not mean that they are there to please you, or you are there to please them. An incredible, and transcendent sexual experience involves giving and receiving going both ways.
As I mentioned in my previous blog (Have Better Sex with a Breast Massage Tonight), the energetic charge of the cock is positive. This means it's a lot easier to build energy by going directly there. As opposed to the pussy, which is a negative charge and is better at receiving. The female body has a positive charge at the heart, or breasts, so that's why it's easier to start there. But the male body has a negative charge at the heart, so if we tried to start there it typically won't be as easy to get the energy flowing.
Keep in mind that all places on the body are capable of building energy and receiving energy, I'm just talking about working with the energy signature that is likely built in. I would rather swim with the current of the river than try to go against it. Going against it is absolutely possible, but especially when you're just starting out it's easier to just flow with the river. I always say give it a try this way and if it doesn't feel alright, then do the opposite. Every body is different but broadly speaking we can make a few generalizations about the male vs. female energy signatures.
For trans people I would try the energy signature of your physical genitals, first, then experiment with the opposite. This practice has nothing to do with gender, and everything to do with the physical body parts. For intersex people I would try both and see which one feels more easeful, if either. It's possible both with feel easeful, and you have both energy signatures at each pole. Yummy! Enjoy the practice no matter what you find!
The point of this massage is not sexual gratification, although that may happen. It's to awaken, enliven, and relax the entire cock area. This will help blood flow better and stronger, and in the Taoist tradition is shown to be a life giving and rejuvenating practice when done daily. Live longer with cock massage! It's also been scientifically shown to decrease premature ejaculation, relieve stress and tension, give you harder erections, and be very healthy for the prostate. Almost every issue of the cock can be helped with this massage.
How I describe it here, this cock massage is designed for your partner to give it to you but always remember that you can give it to yourself, too with these same steps! It's actually really powerful to give this to yourself daily. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
So, set the stage by making sure you feel comfortable a clean enough. If you feel gross, then just take a quick shower. If the room is messy and that's going to distract you then tidy up briefly. Turn down the lights. I personally feel a lot more at ease in the vulnerable position of someone being at my genitals when the lights are lower. Light a candle or some incense. If meditation is in your practice meditate with your partner for a few minutes before beginning. Have some skin safe oil handy, like sesame, almond, or coconut. Or just some lube will be fine.
There are a few positions you can take that will be most comfortable for both people. I suggest starting with the receiver standing or leaning against the side of the bed with the giver kneeling in front of them, or both people lying next to each other. But feel free to experiment with other positions as well! The receiver of this cock massage can have a soft or hard cock. If you're soft already, then I suggest trying it out soft. If you get hard at any time then that's totally fine, too! The point of this massage is not orgasm or ejaculation, but if those things happen then just welcome them with love!
Begin by the giver rubbing some oil or lube on their hands then covering the cock, testicles, and perineum with the oil. Then cupping the testicles, share out loud 3 things they are grateful for about the receiver.
Grip one testicle in your thumb and forefinger and start to gently massage in circular motions. Do not ever crush the testicle. Massage like this is a delicate flower. Communication is very important. Keep checking in with the receiver that it's not only light enough, but also firm enough. It'll take you a few tries if you're new to this. Be humble in this process and know that each receiver will be different. Some like it a little harder, some a little softer, some not at all. Massage for about 30 seconds.
Switch to the other testicle and repeat.
Grasp the most south tip of the scrotum with your thumb and forefinger and pull down to stretch the scrotum as far as it will go. The scrotum can take a lot of pressure so really go there and always check in with the receiver that you're pulling firm enough but not too hard.
With your other hand, wrap your fist around where the scrotum meets the base of the cock, so that you're holding just the scrotum, and the testicles are below your grasp and the cock above. Basically, you're separating the testicles from the cock. Grasp firmly. Now pull the scrotum away from their body. Then pull the scrotum in big circles.
Keep all the hand positions as before and pull the scrotum just to their left for a few seconds. Then to their right. Then up towards their navel. Then down towards their toes.
Release the grip and now you're going to stroke from their perineum (between the anus and testicles) up towards their navel along the ligament of the cock. Make sure the testicles are on either side of the cock so you don't crush them. This should be a very firm pressure, check in with your receiver to make sure you're going hard enough without any pain. If you're new to this, again you might be surprised at how hard you can go. Make sure you have enough oil or lube so it's a relaxing tug. Do several strokes here.
Now you will pull the shaft of the cock. Again, this should be firm but not painful, always checking in with your receiver, and receivers really speak up here for what you need! Start by pulling the shaft away from the body for just a few seconds. Then left. Then right. Then up towards the navel. Then down towards the toes.
A groin massage is so relaxing. Taking the palm of your hand to the inseam of their inner thigh using circular, firm motions. Do one side at a time.
Finish by resting in total stillness and cupping the testicles up to the body. Have the giver share 3 things they love for about the receiver.
Now, you can go on and experiment in any way after this. If the giver has a pussy, I actually recommend starting with the breast massage, then doing the cock massage. Then doing some eye gazing, synchronized breathing, and exploring each other's bodies. Eventually leading to penetration if it's desired, but don't rush there. Avoid habitual pleasure and explore this sexy session with curiosity and play. If the giver also has a cock, then switch roles and do it all over again, then explore curiously. Or just do this practice as a standalone, without any pressure to do anything else. This can be a rejuvenating and energizing practice so just explore how you feel afterwards.
INSPIRED ACTION: One practice that can really be impactful is drawing all this energy that was created during the massage up into the heart center. Remember that where attention goes energy flows, so just draw your focus up your center channel and into your heart. Allow it to blossom at the heart, then draw it back down to the root (the perineum, if you have a cock). Take a few minutes of this energy cycle and then explore how you feel after. Talk about how you feel with your partner after, or journal about it. I think we can change the world with cock massage and opening the heart with that energy.