Yesterday I sat for 5 hours with barely any breaks getting a new tattoo on my shin and the top of my foot. I'm no masochist, I don't enjoy pain. But I also don't run from it. I think tattoos are an incredible metaphor for life. They're beautiful works of art, and they require that you go through a difficult period to get them. One of the key teachings of Tantra is Radical Acceptance, and this principle helped me enjoy the process of pain exactly as it was.
Radical Acceptance is when you stop trying to change everything in this moment and meet it exactly where it is. Even when it's not perfect, even when it's uncomfortable, even when it's painful. Every moment is divinely purposed. Life is not meant to be joyful at every turn. Life is designed to be both survival and celebration. So, how, in this exact moment, can you accept everything as it is and be here now?
The top of the foot is wildly uncomfortable to get a needle poked into it over and over. As is the ankle, and parts of the shin. When she first started it was a shock. My heart started exploding out of my chest, I got sweaty, and my muscles tensed. I quickly had to remind my mind that I wanted this. I had been dreaming of this! And a teaching entered my mind from Osho, "To avoid pain, they avoid pleasure. To avoid death, they avoid life". He's saying here that we must accept pain as much as we accept pleasure. They are two ends of the same pole, and by avoiding one you avoid the other.
So, I thought, what do I do in the height of pleasure? I've been working with myself for years to relax at the point of most intense pleasure and orgasm. And through this practice I've learned that energy flows much more freely, and I move into expanded states of pleasure. My muscles naturally tensed as soon as the needle hit my skin. Could I relax and possibly even enjoy this process? So, I started to relax my muscles and welcome the pain in. The pain became almost meditative then. I felt tinges of pleasure as the needle cut in. Instead of being all the way at the pain end of the polarity, I noticed that I started to move toward the center.
The tattoo started to become effortless and enjoyable. I felt the energy moving through my whole body instead of just at the needle. This diffused the pain and allowed me to relax even further. The body naturally starts to kick in adrenaline as well, so the majority of the tattoo felt easeful with consistent twinges of deeper pain that I got to alchemize on the spot. It felt like magick to turn the pain into aliveness!
Around hour 4, my tattoo artist needed to complete the cuff around my ankle. I wanted the moon cycles to connect all the way around, and the position was in the very delicate parts of my ankle. The adrenaline had run out by this point, I was inflamed across my shin, and I was just raw dogging it all. The ankle was immensely painful, and Osho's teachings again entered my mind.
When I did my Tantra Teacher Training in Greece for 30 days we did one revolutionary practice for 10 days straight. It was magical in every way, and it's called Osho Dynamic Meditation. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and one of the most transformational. Each morning from 7-8am for 10 days straight we did this practice. It starts with 10 minutes of heavy, irregular breathing through the nose. You work to not create any patterns with your breath and keep it inconsistent. Followed by 10 minutes of catharsis. This means letting out all the emotions that you feel in wild, energetic fashion. The breathing technique somatically opens your nervous system and blurs the lines between the conscious and the unconscious, so you have a lot of access to the most difficult emotions that have gotten stuck down there. Many people scream and cry and beat pillows. Then we did 10 minutes jumping up and down saying "who" on the exhale with our hands up over our heads. This was absolutely exhausting. And in the depth of the exhaustion they call the next round where we freeze, hands still up over our heads. You stay frozen in that position for 15 minutes, trying as hard as you can to keep your hands up. This is a mind over matter exercise, where pain tries to convince you to put your arms down and you must learn to accept the pain or you will fall. The final 15 minutes is celebration and dance, and I often cried in this part from the beauty of the exercise.
It's absolutely wild, and so powerfully transformative. I remember it took me until day 8 to keep my hands up the whole time. And I could only do it because our teacher said that you must accept the pain. This is MY pain. This pain means I'm alive. And the more you accept pain the more you can accept pleasure. So, on day 8 I accepted every aspect of the pain, I welcomed it even! Even as my shoulders burned, I loved the pain. On day 10 I had moved a piece of my trauma so much that I danced with it for 15 minutes to end the experience. I had never done anything like this, and I can't speak highly enough about it.
So, there, on the tattoo table, with no more adrenaline to spare, in the most delicate parts of my ankle, moving into hour 5 of the experience, I accepted the pain. It felt unbearable, but I relaxed every muscle in my body and welcomed it. I said over and over, "I accept pleasure. I accept pain". My amazing tattoo artist was even impressed (follow them on insta @xelian_art). I amazed even myself.
I've always been kind of a baby when it came to pain. Sure, I could push through, but I did it in a way that tried to escape or distract from the pain. As I left the tattoo parlor, I felt so proud of myself, so empowered to live a difficult life. Today I feel on top of the world! I feel like I can face anything, no matter how hard. Through Radical Acceptance of pain, I can stop avoiding pain/death and truly live! I think tattoos can be spiritual experiences.
And here's what my tattoo artist said about the piece they created. The mandala at the crown of the design is the orbital path of Venus, which beautifully illustrates how divine feminine energy radiates on a cosmic scale. The pinecone is the symbol of intuition, enlightenment, and regeneration. An earthly seed felt fitting in combination with the celestial elements to celebrate our oneness with nature. With the phases of the moon wrapping around as a band on the back of the leg, connecting the elements together.
My life feels like a story of bliss. Even though every piece isn't happy or pleasurable, it is still absolute stunning magick. And I adorn my body with these messages so I can always remember the pain, pleasure, and love of being alive! Coming soon: the other ankle cuff to compliment it!
I teach workshops that help you drop into this state of Radical Acceptance and Bliss. Check out my upcoming public workshops in Bremerton and Seattle on the public workshops tab or book a private workshop that combines 2 hours of coaching with a completely custom workshop just for you. Available in person or via video chat anywhere in the world.
INSPIRED ACTION: How are you resisting pain? Do you go all in? Or do you distract and pull away? Can you relax into it, and fully accept it?
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