We Need to Spend More Time Inside Each Other: Here's How

Our society is full of sex. It's everywhere. Commercials, billboards, brunch with friends, clubs, porn. I feel like it's only a matter of time until we see it in schools and church's. Haha! Sex is so prevalent in society that it makes us think about it even more than we naturally would. Men and women alike spend more time thinking about sex than actually having it. So, what does this do to our brains when we are constantly thinking about something but never getting enough of it? Here's how me and my partner use an ancient Tantric practice to get it all the time.

It's called plugging in. And it's exactly what it sounds like. We just put it in, no goals, no expectations, no begging. We do it in the morning, right when we wake up, before we get out of bed. Some mornings it's just a few minutes, others it turns into hours. And we can do it when he is soft or hard, no pressure. Starting the day like this takes the edge off the whole "will we have sex today?" conundrum that so many couples find themselves in. Plugging in is best for male/female couples or gay couples. Lesbian couples can use a scissor position to press the thighs against each other's pussies and hold pressure there.

Will we have sex today? Sometimes it's a constant thought. Sometimes it's a nagging worry. But most of all it's a distraction from your life. If you get bored, maybe you think about sex, fantasizing about the next time it's going to happen. But what if you knew without a doubt the next time it was definitely going to happen? Would that relax your worries and fears? Would that help you be more in the moment?

We have to stop this constant cycle of thinking about sex all the time then only being inside each other for a few minutes. There is a huge imbalance here! It will never be enough! Right after having sex, you may start the cycle over again because you didn't get "enough". Hoping and dreaming about when you'll make it happen. And exhausting yourself over and over with the same pattern.

I've stopped having one-night stands with guys because it's almost always a disappointment. The buildup is so strong, the energy is so high, then... womp, womp. He's done in a few minutes, and I'm stuck aching in desire and falling flat on nothing. It's just not worth the imbalance of energies. I would much rather play with the flirtation all the time and know that I can get it the next day with my partner. I love to flirt, and the worst part of flirting isn't getting rejected, it's following through to the conclusion and being disappointed.

I want to be full of him for hours! Slow, casual, flirty, sensual, playful sex! I want to laugh and talk through parts of it. I want to almost fall asleep because I'm so relaxed for parts of it! I want to feel the energy of his cock filling me up, even without movement. And I get all this from plugging in. So, here's how to spend more time inside each other with plugging in, which will help you relax outside of sex! Again, this practice is best done when one person has a cock (dildos won't have the same effect).

1. Start by taking a few breaths and feeling into your body. Take your attention from going outward into the world to coming inward into your body. This awakens your sensations and helps you recalibrate to your body. When you're in touch with your sensations, everything feels better.

2. If there is a pussy present, ask for her permission. Let her lead the way, and if she's resistant at first, it may be because she doesn't know what is in store. If you're having hard penetration all the time, then she may not want that now. Listen to her and don't push past, and on a day when she is ready you can start to show her what plugging in really is. I promise once she knows the practice she will say yes so much more.

3. Lube up. You don't have to wait until the pussy is wet for this practice, because we aren't going to be doing any hard, fast penetration.

4. Get into position. You want both partners to be lying down and comfortable, so there's two positions I recommend. Spooning, or scissors. For scissors the receiving partner lies on their back and the giving partner lies on their side, then you scissor your legs together, so that the receiver's leg is on top of the giver's midsection, and the giver's top leg is between the receiver's legs. Your legs are both scissoring each other.

5. The cock can be hard or soft! This is one of the best parts about this practice because it takes away all the pressure to perform. If soft, you use two hands to stretch the penis out and squeeze the head into the hole, then move your hands down a bit and keep squeezing him in. If he gets hard once in that's cool, if he stays soft the whole time that's also cool! This is also one reason we love to do this in the morning, because this is when testosterone peaks for males, so he's often already hard with no pressure.

6. Go slowly in! Especially if he is hard. Don't rush, take your time and feel every millimeter as he goes in. When you feel he gets all the way to the cervix, move about a millimeter back so you're not putting full pressure on the soft cervix.

7. Now, stay still. You're going to relax your bodies and stay in. The giver can put a small pillow behind his lower back to keep the penis angled in, so you're not working to stay in and can fully relax. You're going to keep focusing your attention into this connection. Become the penis, or the pussy, or the anus. You can gently flex the pelvic floors, but don't make the whole practice about flexing.

8. Once you've spent a while still, you can start to explore very gentle movement. Light thrusts, only moving the penis out an inch and back in an inch very slowly. Or you can switch position to the other position without coming out of each other. You don't want to heavily arouse either person, so that you can separate without the need to go further and ejaculate and you can start your day. This increases your energy and vitality.

9. When you pull out, spend some time connecting, cuddling, and talking about anything that feels alive. This is one of the best times to go deeper in your relationship.

When we do this is the morning it makes our whole days better. We are magnetized to each other, and we are relaxed in each other's presence. We may have sex later that day, which is also great, but we don't feel this constant need to be inside each other. Just yesterday we spent 2 hours doing this practice in the morning and had an incredible rest of the day snuggling, loving, and caring for each other.

This practice can open the heart as well as the sensations. When you rely on only fast, hard penetration you can actually lose a lot of sensation. And when you lose sensation, you have to go harder and harder to feel more. The cervix contracts when it gets hit too hard, so the pussy clenches to avoid this. This can feel good for a while, but over time you're going to tire of this constant need to go harder. My pussy also hurts the next day, so we can't have sex then. But when we do slow, intentional, sensual sex, we can have it over and over and over again anytime we want.

And if you have a cock, the first couple times you do this practice may feel like nothing. Keep going and keep tuning inward for sensation. Tune so much into your cock that you just become your cock. Feel into every slight clench, every rib, every pulse he feels. And through consistent practice you'll start to awaken to the vast sensations that he feels with just being in his favorite hole.

This practice goes deeper than just skin to skin contact and relief. It is healing! The cock and pussy are both intelligent energies. When used like this they can be the catalyst for healing in the other! The head of the penis is very sensitive, and has some magnetic qualities. When gently pressed up against the vaginal walls, cervix, or anal walls, it can start the process of gentle trauma release. This doesn't work with hard, fast penetration, because that causes a contraction in the pussy or anus. You want the receiver to be completely relaxed, and not clenching down. When this free flow of energy starts moving, it can heal old stuck traumas and stresses trapped here! It's more than magic! It's Tantra!

Remember that you don't have to banish hard, fast sex. That can be a part of your repertoire. And you can start to awaken the sensitivity in your genitals with a practice like plugging in and slow sex. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It can be about versatility. And the more versatile you are as a couple, the more you get to experience without getting bored and losing touch with your sexualities. Let sex be a smorgasbord!

INSPIRED ACTION: Try plugging in for a week and journal about what you liked and what was difficult! This practice can seriously change the way you relate to your partner and alleviate things like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and trauma! It's quite magical!